About mom...

You know, I should not have written this, but still the truth is that I have grown up hating my mom for being so strict with us. She would never smile that friendly smile at us and we were always scared upon her slightest stare. The three of us- my elder sister, myself and my younger brother were always jailed at home when my parents had to go and work to feed us. I didn't understand it then but I am matured now, and I have started understanding things as they are.

I know I love my mom very much despite every bitter moments I have had with her in the past. i was the one to get most of the beatings from her as a child. As she loves to put in "I was a difficult child, a stubborn one"... and for some reasons, I still am. But then there is a strange bonding between us which has always held us together. Even when I was small, I used to wish that mom went away for some days so that I could have peace of mind and may be God listened to me, and mom went to Dolakha along with her sister's family leaving us behind with dad. And all day I used to play with all my heart forgetting all about mom and when it was evening, I just stood on my window and stared outside remembering mom and wishing she came soon. I also remember that then, when mom was away, dad had a very tough time getting us ready for school. He had combed my hair then, and now I wonder how I would look on that dad-styled-hair. Anyway, it was a funny stuff.

Believe me, I couldn't do my own hair even until I was in Grade 10... either mom or my elder sister had to do it. And I had a tough time making sure that I was at least in good terms with the one of them, otherwise my messy hair would subject me to punishment at school, and in our school, all girls had to make two plaits out of their hair... silly, nonsense rule. I cursed everyone who imposed that on us. And you know, I didn't even know how to tie shoe-laces. By God, I was one of a kind. Even today, I can't do anything out of my hair except arranging a big pony-tail. That's simple and comfortable too...

And yeah, I was talking about my mom. When we were small, we used to listen to mom... now that we know a little bit, we want our mom to listen to us... we feel we know much better than they do... may be true in many cases but I think that by having this conception in our minds, that we know better than our moms, we are in a way, dominating them... and is this good?

On 3 April, I was fortunate enough to attend a discussion programme on the woes of single mothers, and actually mothers from different backgrounds for a section of our magazine called 'My Cup of Tea'. I was there as a reporter and I was too emotional hearing what they had to say. There was an HIV infected mother, whose son is also infected, a mother who had been using drugs until her son was 6, a mother whose husband is out of the country working, a mother who has lost her husband and so on. Everyone had a different story to tell, but the jist of the matter was the sincerity with which they loved their children. This made me realise that I had a mom too, one whom I always took for granted, one whom I never thought could have so much of feelings toward me. I remembered my mom very much, perhaps she would also speak her heart out had she been invited there as a guest.

I know she has to go through many hurdles of life before reaching this height. I wouldn't have dared if I were to start from the level my mom stood up. I am happy that my parents have done these many things for us and that still we forget to be grateful toward them. Saying 'thank you' to a parent would seem to be very formal, but most of us have not even felt thankful to them for making us what we are. I love myself the most and I wouldn't have me if it were not for my parents, more of my mom.

I love my mom so much so that I can't even think of being away from her. She is my best friend and I adore her. There are more than many things about her that annoy me but then, it's all part of the game. I love her so I can point out the flaws in her,

This mother's day, I am gonna make my mom a really happy woman.

I promise.