I am what I am...

I can't exactly express in words how happy I am. I mean all the things are going on just so well. This moment is the moment of perfect bliss for me.

There were negative vibes all over my mind since early morning until lunch break. But slowly things changed and I discovered a new 'me'.

I was quite disturbed in the last few days coz there were so many minor and seemingly insignificant things that were eating me inside. I could neither express what I felt nor could I help myself. I was in a total dilemma. I hated myself for being too sensitive towards the smallest thing in life and wanted badly to break free. Afterall, it is not my duty to take care of all the things. I am not that strong, am I? But then, I couldn't stop thinking about all those ugly things over and over again, agitating myself, blaming myself... hurting myself.

Today, I decided that it's too much. I am stoic, true but only in front of others. The truth is I am very fragile and vulnerable to the most trivial thing. I don't show immediate reaction to anything but that very thing eats me inside, shattering me.

After returning back home and refreshing myself, I thought for a moment, what should I really do to help myself? To know myself better? To stop making things big and let them haunt myself all the time... I wanted to understand the true 'me', not associating myself with anyone else... And, while I was at the roof, with melodious songs playing in my dad's cell and the breeze so cool, I could reach my inner self.

I could hear myself say 'I am what I am.'

Since years I have heard people evaluate me in their own different ways. I have hardly heard anyone say bad about me. But yeah, many a times people take me as a 'proud' lady coz I don't speak much to anyone, but why should I care? Those who have truly understood me find every answer in my silence. Like Soo, Smita and even Sabita... they know me so well.

On the contrary, back at home, I am the chatter box. But my family doesn't seem to understand me at all... And that hurts a lot. But how long? I am a mature lady now, and I can take care of myself. It is not necessary that you get understood by every person around you.

For the last couple of days, I kept on searching answers as to why my family members failed to understand me, and I found no convincing answer. May be what I felt was just a creation of my over-sensitive mind. And finally I consoled myself saying just that, that it was not them but myself who failed to understand the real Poo...